btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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