Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
