he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
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Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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