I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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