i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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