i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
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Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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