I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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