i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize