im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
