Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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