you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
