thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
