Quick, to the slutcave!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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