everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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