Kiss
Puke
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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