I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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