Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
