I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Someone came in the potted fern
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
