No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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