my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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