i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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