i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
