Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My balls are so social today.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
