Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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