Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
