how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize