Just fell off a train. Bad.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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