Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize