I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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