That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize