i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
