Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
