I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
