I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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