what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
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Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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