Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
