i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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