I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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