He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
sarcasm needs its own font
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
