I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So vagazzling was a success
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize