I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
