my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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