We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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