Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
