It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
