Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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