I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
