She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
