that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
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She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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