I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
