if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
