How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
