how can u be prego again
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
