I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
