so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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