so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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