Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Alive.
So much puke
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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