She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
