I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
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Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
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nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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