Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well I just put wine in my tea
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
