My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Actions speak louder than pants.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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