Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
