Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
