A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize